You're not okay

I have a little lady who likes to cuddle and snuggle with her mommy, and I love it.  I love when she is laying in my arms, or beside me in bed and she softly strokes my hand just to know that I'm still there.  I love when she finishes nursing and she looks up and me with her eyes half closed and her adorable milky grin.  I love when she bursts out in a giggle when I surprise her with a funny noise or doing a crazy dance.  I love when a smile spreads across her face when she sees her daddy for the first time when he comes into the room after being away at work for the day.  I love when she grabs her bare toes and sticks them in her mouth when I'm in the middle of changing her diaper.  I even love when she starts to whimper, even though I know that really and truly nothing is wrong - and as soon as I scoop her up, she starts to smile like she was playing a trick on me.

But then comes the time when she's in a full.out.cry.  And I don't love it.  I feel helpless. I feel sad. I feel guilty. I feel frustrated when I can't calm her instantly. I feel overwhelmed at times.  I feel a lot of not good feelings.  I instantly start doing "the bounce" or rocking her while shushing in her ear, or singing to her softly.  I try the soother, or try calming her by letting her suck my finger.  I just want the happy baby back and the crying to go away.  What I also find myself doing is saying "you're okay" as the tears are rolling down her cheek, and I am patting her bum, pacing the floor, and humming quietly. 

"You're okay"  is a phrase that I find myself saying and then wondering why the heck I say it.  If she was okay, then she wouldn't be crying.  Seems to be common sense, but for some reason it's something that I repeatedly say. I'm the type of person who preaches to my students that you must learn from your mistakes - but am I?  If Kennedy really understands all the things I say, I wonder what she is thinking when she is miserable and upset and her mom is telling her that she is okay.  Obviously something is wrong and mommy is taking too long to help fix it. She doesn't feel okay. So from now on, I'm going to try to do a lot less "you're okays" and more of all the other wonderful things that makes K happy.